The Edge Center Blog
Concepts, Ideas & Meditations of Master Vince Damiano
Everyone has rules. Rules for games, rules for work & rules for life. Rules are used as regulations to follow that govern the conduct in a specific event. Soccer has a rules that you can only use your hands in certain events. Jobs have rules that you must show up and leave at a specific time. These rules keep us civilized, but are not the rules I'm talking about. The rules in question are personal rules. The ones that rule your life so to say.
I have met and worked with people with some of the most outrageous rules that it makes it almost impossible for them to feel happy or successful. Notice I said "feel" , not "be". You can feel anything you want, you just have to decide that you want to. I've heard a business professional once say that he needed a million dollars cash on hand at any given moment to feel successful (actually he said "be", but I didn't want to correct him due to the fact he was already so high strung). I have also known several business professionals that said as long as they have any amount of cash they felt successful. Who has their rules set up better to feel successful? I think the answer is obvious.
Now, let's look at some other common limiting rules and how we can make them serve us better.
School -"I need to have all A's to be successful" Do you think you can feel successful with some B's and maybe even a C? Sure can. Now I know what you're thinking... "My mom & dad said that I need all A's to be successful." Those are their rules, not yours. I know plenty of people that were straight A students that pump gas in my Ferrari ( I was a B & C student). Now don't get me wrong; it's important to have good grades, but when you are dependent on them to feel a certain way then you're setting yourself up for failure.
Home -"My wife/husband needs to happily greet me when I come home" This is very common. You have an expectation that is not being met. That's ok, you can have expectations but you need to be able to adapt and change the rules if things don't go your way. The easiest fix for this is ask "what does this mean?". Is your significant other involves in a task? Engulfed in a book? Or maybe just didn't hear you come home. Either way- don't hallucinate trying to figure out what's wrong, that's just going to make things worse by coming up with scenarios that don't exist. Instead, simply ask why they didn't greet you and explain why it's important to you and what feeling you get from it. Or you can simply make a new rule that says that just because my spouse or significant other doesn't greet me at the door, that doesn't mean that I'm not important it just means they have their own set of rules they are following.
Work or Business - I need to have a strong title to be important"
Oh everyone wants to have some kind of title before or after their name. I know that sometimes you need to identify who and what you are, but don't let it become you. Some people do it for ego, others to hide what they really do or to make you feel less important. If you're going to use a title, use it for a purpose and don't over use it. Otherwise people will get tired of you throwing your title at them and will not respect you for who you are only resent you for the title you hold. The military is known for this!
Finances -" I have to have $1,000,000 to be rich"
I'm only going to say one thing on this- Rich is a state of mind, not a state of wallet.
We could easily go on with the rules for everything but there are only a few principles to keep in mind when creating your own "life rules".
Make sure your rules serve you.
Take some time to evaluate the rules you live by. You may find out that what might be holding you back is nothing more than an old belief that no longer applies. You may be surprised how easy you can feel any way you want to just by changing what you need to make you feel that way.
I always make myself available for questions, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org