The Edge Center Blog
Concepts, Ideas & Meditations of Master Vince Damiano
Everyone has the need for connection. Whether it's friendship, family or intimate relationships- we all look for it.
Connection can be found in many forms: people, animals, prayer, working out or virtual, just to name a few. If we fail to gain connection in our desired area we look elsewhere. For example: If we are looking to connect with our family, we may forego the need for connection and look for significance or certainty (other basic human needs). But in doing this, the activity it is usually less than wholesome or empowering and often disruptive and limiting. These activities are not limited to overeating, perusing a toxic relationship to "get back", angry outbursts and becoming ill. I can go on but I don’t want to give anyone any ideas.
So, how do we achieve the connection we want? First, understand the different ways you can connect and disconnect from people. Keep in mind some ways you think you are building a connection may be destroying it. I'll give an example: You may feel you are connecting with a friend by watching a movie together although you may be texting with someone else (in an effort to connect). What you are actually doing is lowering the connection level of who you are watching the movie with by making them feel less important than your phone (they just see the phone, not the human element). Other ways to ruin the connection with another person is during a conversation with someone is to check your phone for texts or other forms other communication. So, make sure that you give your complete attention to others and limit multi-tasking- Its sometimes less productive than you think.
Body language, which counts towards 90% of communication can help or hurt your connection with other people. Do you roll your eyes, shrug your shoulders or get distracted during an interaction? If you do, stop it immediately!!!
Think of any connection you have with someone on a scale from 0-100. When you first meet someone you start off at 50 and everything you do either gives you a point or takes one away. Some activities can count as multiple points, like checking your phone -10 or a hug, +25.
Now, how do we make a lasting positive connection with people? Want to make an instant connection? Use mirroring. Without going overboard (that will make someone think you are making fun of them), mimic their behavior, tone of voice, breathing pattern & posture. To make a longer lasting connection take on the same interests. Only do this as long as they meet your personal values, otherwise you may not want to connect with them any further.
Other methods to create long lasting, meaningful connection with others is to take a sincere interest in them and their needs. It could be friends or family, if you put their needs as high of a priority as yours they will respect you more than you could imagine. If you are the type of person who always needs things to be done your way, you will limit the level of connection with that person and it will never be genuine and supportive.
Okay then, now take some time and evaluate the way you connect either consciously or unconsciously with others. Assess whether you are making positive or negative connections and what you can do to make changes. If you apply positive forms of connection you will see almost immediate results in those you surround yourself with